Afraid

So I have two things to talk about today which have nothing to do with the other. Anyway I will start off with  what I'm afraid of. Other then spiders ok well I'm terrified of those, but I'm referring to things of a more family like way. I mean all this BDing can make a girl go crazy and I guess the guy too because it's timed and not just whenever. So instead of enjoying it you start to dread it. Well that's sorta my case, but a little different. My case is I'm afraid to BD because of my miscarriage a little over a month ago. I mean I can't get it out of my head. I have stopped crying about the miscarriage, but not worrying about another one. I mean I'm afraid that if I get pregnant again I will have a miscarriage at about 8 weeks like last time or even worse once I have passed the 13 week mark.
I want to have kids and not because a lot of my friends are or because of family or anything else, but because I want to be a mother. For the longest time all I wanted was to find the right boyfriend for me, get married, have kids, be a stay at home mom, watch the kids first day of school, watch the kids grow up, watch the kids go off to collage, watch the kids get married have kids, and grow old with my hubby. I got the first two, but the rest no. It hurts really bad for me to not have kids or at least be pregnant right now. I mean I have been married for 2 and a half years and no pregnancy or kids.
Not that I thought I would get pregnant right away or that I should have been pregnant as soon as we got married, but we've been trying for 2 years and I have yet to tell my family that I'm pregnant. It sucks because three of my friends who have gotten married in the past 4 months are in their second trimester so I feel like it's not fair. They got pregnant shortly after trying and me I'm still trying. I can't even stand to go on Facebook anymore because they are talking about their ultrasounds and how it's a boy or a girl.
Now if you are wondering about if I have seen a doctor about this I have. It was after about a year and a half of trying with no success. I was put on provera to jump start my period because I was irregular. Not to be confused with depo provera which is birth control. The once I started my period I was to take 50mg of clomid to get me to ovulate because I wasn't doing that either. So when I went back to the doctor a few months later because I waited to start taking  I was ovulating and my periods were regular. 
After about 4 moths of being on clomid I was starting to give up when I found out I was pregnant and I was happy, but that was short lived because at 8 weeks I miscarried.
So yeah I'm afraid to BD because I'm afraid it will happen again. I know I'm a big scaredy cat. Tell me something I don't know.

Now the last thing I want to talk about is Expo Tv. This is a site the a lot of companies go to to get consumer opinion about product before and after they hit the shelves. All you need to join is a email address, a web cam, and internet access. You get to give your opinion about things you already have and when companies want a product tested they put a request up. You have to do a little questionnaire for them to consider you, but if you are picked they mail the product to your house and you try it out and then talk about it on your webcam and upload it to the site. You also get to keep the item for free no matter what it is. You just can't tell anyone about the product you are testing. Oh and did I mention that to join the site is free. You don't have to pay any kind of membership fee at all so it is well worth it. I enjoy being a part of this site very much. Here is my referral link for those who want to join. Copy and paste it into your browser. www.expotv.com/raf/Momotsuki